"I still sometimes feel like a loser kid in high school. I just have to pick myself up and tell myself that I'm a superstar every morning so that I can get through this day…." — Lady Gaga
If you’ve ever doubted yourself or your abilities, you’re in good company. I work with some of the most successful people in their industries, and they all sometimes have “less than” feelings.
In fact, many people who don’t seem to have these feelings are those who aren’t driving past their strengths. They park in safe, familiar territory.
Learning and growth is all about getting out of your comfort zone. As the late David Peterson said, “There’s no comfort in the learning zone and no learning in the comfort zone.”
So what should you do when a feeling of doubt creeps up on you?
1. Identify the source of the anxiety. What are you afraid might happen? Take a few minutes to jot down the worst thing you imagine.
2. What is your inner voice saying? Get in a quiet space where you can close your eyes, focus on the feeling, and listen. It could be something like, “I’m going to fail.” Or “I’m not good enough.”
3. Right-size your dragon. Understand that the stress you are feeling comes from a primal need that serves you well when you are truly in danger. When facing a challenge you want or need to face, however, it can hold you back and become a liability. Call it out. Talk to your fear. Tell it you’re going to be OK and you don’t need it to be ferociously active in defense of you. In Jungian philosophy, dragons symbolize the unconscious, so I think of this step as “right-sizing your dragon.”
Next, use one of these strategies to address your anxiety:
1. Reframe language that implies a permanent state, to that of a temporary feeling.
For example:
“I am worthless” → “Right now, I feel worthless”
“I am a mess” → “I feel like a mess today”
This nuanced language moves us from a permanent state to a temporary feeling. One powerful and much-discussed example — “imposter syndrome,” sounds like a permanent disease state that’s been diagnosed by a physician. The psychologists who originally identified this internal mindset in the 1970s — Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes — termed it a “phenomenon” and the popular media turned it into a syndrome. 70% of people believe they have it, so it can’t possibly be a syndrome.
Imposter phenomenon is perhaps best described as “a specific delusion of being a fraud who has successfully deceived some external audience.” Some scholars have suggested that the use of “syndrome” pathologizes women, rather than focusing on systemic racial and gender inequities as a root cause of feeling inadequate and needing to fake it. These feelings are typically experienced by bright, ambitious, successful people.
2. What is also true? When our brain is distorting facts and feelings, we can steer it back to rational thought by bringing in additional facts. For example, when up for a promotion, you may be telling yourself you are less qualified than other candidates. Or that the hiring partner doesn’t like you.
Write two columns on a piece of paper — what are potentially negative facts that you know to be true, and what are additional helpful facts? Such as, “I got high marks on the project the hiring partner asked me to lead last year.” Or, “that candidate has an MBA, and I have five more years of relevant work experience.” This intentional recalibration can bring our emotions back into balance.
3. Reframe your anxiety as excitement. Anxiety and excitement are high arousal emotional states — only with different psychological impacts, one negative, the other positive. To leverage the power of anxiety and flip it to excitement, say, “I’m excited!” out loud, even if you don’t believe it at first. Smile — lift the corners of your mouth up. The act of contracting these facial muscles triggers the release of feel-good brain chemicals that can create a surprising shift in how you view the challenge you’re about to meet. Focus on the positive outcomes of the challenge you’re about to meet — not the potential threats that our monkey brain likes to point out.
4. Recognize and Treat Perfectionist Tendencies. Perfectionism, or the desire to be special or “the best,” can undermine personal growth and lead to being stuck. As Herminia Ibarra says, the only way to grow as a leader is by “doing new things that make us uncomfortable and teach us through direct experience who we want to become.” Growth requires a degree of risk and experimentation of identity, being willing to shed behaviors that have worked well until now.
I find that fear never really goes away, nor should it. To meet the moment, we need to increase our courage. With discipline and practice, you can learn to channel this energy as a superpower.
Next time you start doubting yourself, try one of these options. What works for you? I’d love to hear your additional suggestions for our community.
Upcoming Engagements
2024 has been a blessing — bringing me in person to see many of you in New York, Boston, DC, Chicago, Singapore, Dallas, and Hong Kong, and virtual venues across the globe. Here are my upcoming engagements — I hope to see you at one or more.
"What Does Justice Really Require of a Workplace?"
Hofburg, Vienna, Austria
November 13-15, 2024
"Accelerating Growth: Developing Tomorrow's Leaders Today"
Dayton, Ohio
February 19, 2025
Plenary: "Predicting the Future of Compliance Leadership"
Washington, DC
April 28-30, 2025
Interested in having me speak to your team or organization?
In 2024, I’ve spoken to leaders at the Financial Times and World Bank Group, members of ATD and the Association for Corporate Counsel, and private corporate clients — from Promotability and career workshops to workplace culture and corporate governance keynotes. Booking now for 2025.
Simply reply to this email and let’s chat.
To your success! Amii
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